Sunday, September 8, 2013

Conflicted

I feel bad for not feeling bad.  Does that even make sense?  For those of you who don't know, my daughter left yesterday for a couple months to NY.  We do this every 3 months.  She goes to NY for 3 months to be with her dad and then she comes back here for 3 months.  My daughter is 4.
Usually, the day after she leaves, I'm a mess.  I can't do anything except lay in bed and watch Netflix while sobbing uncontrollably.  But, for some reason, this time, I'm better than usual.

Which brings me back to the point of this post.  I feel bad.  I feel like I should be crying.  I feel like I should be horribly upset and feel like it's the end of the world because my daughter isn't here anymore.  I, of course, am upset that she's gone, but not to the point where I have to cry.

I was told everyone has their way of coping.  For me, I have decided to put all my energy into writing articles and posts and get my feelings out that way.  But I should still be in tears, right?  Most mothers would be.

What is wrong with me?  Maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet?  I'm sure tonight when I put my head on my pillow and have nothing but my thoughts with me, it'll finally sink in.  Whenever my initial breakdown happens, I'm not looking forward to it.

How do you cope with situations like this?

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