Conflicted

I feel bad for not feeling bad.  Does that even make sense?  For those of you who don't know, my daughter left yesterday for a couple months to NY.  We do this every 3 months.  She goes to NY for 3 months to be with her dad and then she comes back here for 3 months.  My daughter is 4.

Usually, the day after she leaves, I'm a mess.  I can't do anything except lay in bed and watch Netflix while sobbing uncontrollably.  But, for some reason, this time, I'm better than usual.

Which brings me back to the point of this post.  I feel bad.  I feel like I should be crying.  I feel like I should be horribly upset and feel like it's the end of the world because my daughter isn't here anymore.  I, of course, am upset that she's gone, but not to the point where I have to cry.

I was told everyone has their way of coping.  For me, I have decided to put all my energy into writing articles and posts and get my feelings out that way.  But I should still be in tears, right?  Most mothers would be.

What is wrong with me?  Maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet?  I'm sure tonight when I put my head on my pillow and have nothing but my thoughts with me, it'll finally sink in.  Whenever my initial breakdown happens, I'm not looking forward to it.

How do you cope with situations like this?

Annoyances of My Cats

It's with great sadness that I move this from my HubPages account to my personal blog.  Why?  This is one of the first pieces that I wrote and it is one of my favorites.  HubPages is mainly for informative pieces and How-To's so this piece of writing was getting mixed reviews.  Today, while re-vamping my account, I decided it was time to move this article to my personal blog so it will still get enjoyed but not interfere with my online article writing.  So, I present to you, "The Annoyances of a Cat".

Success

I just got back from a job interview today and I feel like I bombed it.  My boyfriend and friend feel I rocked it's socks off but, for some reason, I can't seem to shake this sense of utter failure.  That's not the only time where I've felt like I've become a failure.  In fact, every day I wake up with this sense that I could do and be something more than I am now.
Today in particular, I was really soaking in my sense of failure.  I've always been shadowing my sister...my twin sister to make things even worse.  Comparing our accomplishments and failures.  Well, my sister was in Honor's Society and I wasn't.  She got amazing grades and I strugged to even pass, now, she is married, lives on her own, and has a successful job where she makes a lot of money.  Me?  Well, I have an amazing relationship with my boyfriend of a year and a half, but I live with my mom, no job, but I am in college.  It got to the point where I was even wondering why I wake up every day.  What have I accomplished in my life?
Well, it finally dawned on me something that I will hope that you readers will take away from this post.  Success is not measured by how much money you make, where you live, or what your past was.  Success is measured by your attitude, how you live your life, and what you make of your life.  I may not have had the best grades in school but I am making my way through college and getting great grades now, success.  I may not be living on my own, but I can use the money I would normally spend on rent and put it towards a new car or other things I may want, success.  I have a boyfriend who loves me, a great life, and I wake up happy, success.
Success cannot be measured alone by the accomplishments you do.  It's a part of it, but you shouldn't base your succession on just that.  Otherwise, everyone would feel like a failure.  There is always something more that can be done.  Everyone and I mean everyone is successful in there own way.  Sometimes, I just need to remember that.

Seattle: Part 1

Today was the first of 3 days with Oppa in Seattle.  We got up at 5am and got to his house by 6:30am to catch the train...which got delayed an hour (of course).
The train was awesome except the fact that I discovered my pure hatred for walking on moving trains.  And using the bathroom...let me tell you, that shit is IMPOSSIBLE.
We got to Seattle and got partially lost on the way to the hotel.  I could tell that Oppa was getting really frustrated but I was having a lot of fun just wandering around.  When we finally made it to the hotel, I was surprised at how nice the room is.  He'll tell you the best part about the room is that the fixtures in the bathroom are made of gold, but I really like how big and comfy the bed is!!!!
We went down to Pike Place Market today too.  Okay, we went down to the Waterfront to try to find Pike Place Market and discovered the aquarium, the harbor, and the cruise ships.  Oppa finally found a map and discovered that the market was actually back where we came from (next to the aquarium.)
We walked around Pike Place Market and I gawked at all the cool stuff (and wished I had definitely saved more money for the trip.)  Next time we come, I am definitely getting one of those handmade journals.  We went to a bunch of different shops and he even showed me this doughnut stand that actually makes their doughnuts right in front of you!  It's so cool.  Kinda like the conveyor belt doughnut shop at Seaside.
By the time we got back to the hotel room, we were both SO tired that we decided to order out.  Thank goodness Max had this Seattle app on his tablet or else we wouldn't have discovered this really amazing Thai place that delivered RIGHT TO OUR DOOR.  Holy crap.  They even had Thai Ice Tea which is my new favorite thing since I tried it while eating dinner with Max's family (even better than...dare I say it...BUBBLE TEA!)  Oh, and we had the most amazing gyros today too from this hole in the wall place that I don't even think had a name.  It was really offsetting in the building but their food is AMAZING.
Tomorrow, we get to go to the aquarium, UWAJIMAYA (so excited for that), the first Starbucks, Space Needle, EMP, and some other stuff that Oppa won't tell me about.

I can't wait.

Well...this is awkward.

Dear Blog,
I am sorry I haven't written in a long time, I've been super busy.  I'm serious, I have.  Since the last post, I got my SAT scores back and didn't make it into PSU (soon maybe).  I am going to Clark Community College in the mean time and I am swamped with homework.
I am trying to get my name out into the world as a great writer.  Right now, I am pretty much sticking to HubPages but I am also in the middle of trying to write a novel or short story.
I am also trying to find a creative outlet.  I want to take up embroidering but I don't know where to start with no money.  Why does it seem like money is always the issue?
Also, I am addicted to clothes shopping.  I see Oppa roll his eyes every time I say that I got something new off of Poshmark.  He doesn't understand the special bond my clothes and I have.
Speaking of Oppa, going on 1 year next month.  It's crazy to think that time flew by so quickly.  I am so glad that he is in my life.  I wouldn't want any other person in my life.
Tomorrow is my birthday (going to be 23) so of course I am spending the day recovering from being sick.  Doesn't this always happen to me?  I hope that by the end of the year, I can have something at least ready for publication.  I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it.  I am certainly going to try though.

Love,
Me

Dear SATs

Dear SATs,
I know that I decided spur of the moment that I was going to take you so that I can go to PSU, but do you really have to be cruel like this?

It's only 8:30am and it's SO SUNNY. I want to be outside! Work on my tan! Read a book!

But no, I'm stuck inside getting ready for you.

Ya, I could study outside at the picnic table...but you'd ruin it. I'd get that yearning to go frolic in the grass. You are worse than my daughter. At least I can frolic with her! You just lay there...lazy bastard.

I accept 100% that for the next weeks my life is going to revolve around you...but don't get used to the attention. You mean NOTHING to me. Okay, you mean SOMETHING just not as much as Oppa.

AND DON'T GET JEALOUS. He and I have something you and I will never have.

Don't get any ideas either. He's mine.

Please accept the fact that I am still going to try to have a life outside of you. But you can still have my evenings (most of the time).

In return, I only hope that you'll remember the dedication and time I have put into our relationship and you'll help me do well when I am tested.

Remember the times we will have gone through. The toil and sweat I put in. Maybe I'll even take you frolicking! Would that help?

Sincerely Love,
One stressed out blogger.

Better late than never.

I forgot to post a blog post on Friday. Well, I didn't forget. I had every intention of posting, but Oppa was over and I got distracted.
It's been a surprisingly good day today. Today has been a huge family day. We never go out just the three of us EVER. It's usually just my mom and me. But today, my sister joined us. We had so much fun.
It started at my sister's work. We decided to go through the car wash. When the car wash attendant asked my mom if she wanted an upgraded car wash, she sat there for maybe 5 minutes looking over all the upgrades to finally decide she wanted just the basic car wash (it's a good thing that no one was behind us.)
Then, we went out for sushi and when we got out of the car, my sister realized that her dress had been shut in the door so it was soaked from the car wash.
We got inside the sushi bar and I was feeling a bit daredevilish. I tried a bunch of new things. Bad idea. At least my mom and sister got a few kicks out of it.
For the rest of the time, I was just enjoying time with my sister. Time that I missed so much. We should never be together in public though. It gets dangerous. Take this for example; we were at Lowe's. We needed help getting some stepping stones in our cart so we volunteered my sister's services.

Me: Sis, go get someone to help us.
Sister: Why do I have to!?
Me: Because you're the cute one.
-Sister looks for assistance-
Mom: You know, you're cute too.
Me: Ya, but right now I'm not wearing the clothes to flirt...OH WAIT! -rips off over shirt- There we go.

Don't worry, I was wearing a camisole underneath. 

Now, we're home and I'm happily exhausted. But, there is more work to be done in the garden! Gotta let my babies get some nice sun and plant some flowers. I also got a topsy turvey thingiemajiger. Hopefully I can get some strawberries out of that.

I leave you with these pictures. Enjoy! 

My sister being a nerd and Hadoukening it up.

Me at the sushi bar with my family.